Talking About Sex With Your Kids: Why is it Important?
Why Silence Is Not Protection
If you are a parent, chances are you want to protect your child’s innocence, safety, and values. Many parents believe that avoiding conversations about sex will keep children “pure” or prevent early curiosity. This belief is especially common in faith-based households, including Christian families, where virtue, modesty, and moral development are deeply valued. The intention behind silence is loving. Clinically, however, silence does not protect children. Education, attunement, and guidance do.
As a clinical sexologist candidate and therapist, I want to speak directly to you as a parent: your child is already learning about their body, relationships, and identity, the question is whether they are learning from you or from somewhere else that we do not have control over.
Sexual development is not something that begins in adolescence or with exposure to explicit material and pornography. It begins in early childhood as part of normal human development. Children explore their bodies, ask questions, and form ideas about privacy and boundaries long before puberty.
How Messaging Can Be Interpreted
Many parents unintentionally teach sexual messages through everyday reactions. For example, when a young child runs around without clothes and adults laugh, take photos, or say things like “oh my goodness, look how cute he is,” the child learns that their body is a source of attention and entertainment. While the intent is innocent, repeated reinforcement can blur boundaries around privacy and bodily autonomy. We know that unclear boundaries in early childhood can later show up as confusion around exhibitionism (which is a form of sexual offense) or attention-seeking behaviors.
On the other hand, if a child touches their body and is harshly scolded or shamed, they may internalize the belief that their body is bad or dangerous. This can later contribute to sexual anxiety or avoidance in adulthood.
“Protecting Virtue” Also Means Preparing for Reality
In Reglious households, I often hear parents say, “We want to protect our child’s virtue and innocence.” This is a meaningful and valid value. Protecting virtue does not mean pretending curiosity will not arise. Children will explore themselves. Adolescents will have sexual thoughts. These are normal developmental processes, not moral failures.
When children are taught only “don’t” without understanding “why” or “how,” they are left unprepared to navigate temptation, peer pressure, or confusion. Values are best transmitted when paired with education, not fear or silence. Teaching children that their bodies are sacred, worthy of care, and deserving of respect aligns deeply with both psychological health and some Religous principles.
If You Don’t Talk to Your Child, Someone Else Will
This is one of the most important truths for parents to hear: if you do not talk to your child about sex, bodies, consent, and relationships, someone else will. That “someone” is often peers, social media, pornography, or ‘underground’ groups that your child finds online.
Your role is not to give too much information too soon, but to give developmentally appropriate, values-based guidance over time. These are not one-time conversations. They are ongoing, evolving discussions that grow with your child.
If these conversations feel overwhelming or you are unsure where to begin, working with a psychotherapist or clinical sexologist can help you navigate them in a way that aligns with both your values and your child’s developmental needs.
Your voice matters more than you think.